Purpose in Life

Sometimes I wonder about the purpose of life. I think our culture has a way of putting a blanket over it all with the simple heaven/hell type answer but really, why am I here right now in this place? What am I suppose to be doing? Learning? Seeing? Understanding? How am I suppose to be changing and growing, adapting and influencing?

In my viewpoint, I think there are two overarching principles to the purpose of life. The first, is to become the person we have the capacity to become. Am I the person today that I want to be when I die? Am I the person today that I know I can be? Am I the person I am suppose to be? Growing in this area involves changing our behavior and characteristics by increasing our knowledge, wisdom, attitude, and self-awareness. It is about living our principles. That is true integrity: when we are the person we preach to be.

The second part of our purpose in life is use the person we are to help others attain their potential. We have a great power to impact people. Not necessarily to drastically change their lives but by the gentle influences we have as role models, examples, family, and friends, to guide and assist them. It is those people in our lives that make the internal change not necessarily possible but flowing more smoothly, in a surer path. We, each one carve a path in life, but, if we have another groove to follow, it is much easier. By using others' their life experiences to model our personal attributes after, we can grow and develop at a faster rate, thus perpetuating the cycle of development.

With this perspective, we all need to ask ourselves, what do I need to work on? At some points it will be time for an emphasis on personal growth, at other times, we need to focus on our impact on others. We can't get comfortable or cocky in just one way - we must switch back and forth, growing in each way. Thoughts...?

Hard Choices: Mia Magistro

Mia Magistro is one of my favorite musicians. If you haven't heard her work, I would encourage you to listen to it. Magistro wrote the CD Project Heal partially while in an eating disorder rehab center and then employed her powerful music to teach in a correctional facility. I was reminded of her work when a student posted her PSA (public service announcement) about eating disorders and had this music in the background. As I have listened to it again for the hundredth time, I realize just how many situations her music can apply to.

Talking with a student has caused me to reflect on the challenges of making hard choices. We all have the ability to choose: to choose our friends, how we spend our time, and ultimately, who we are everyday. There are certain situations that limit our abilities to choose. Mental disorders, past experiences and emotional connects all affect our abilities but don't ultimately control us. For example, if you have depression, you can't just decide to one day be better, but you can decide to talk to someone, possibly receive counseling and medication. You can decide to see the positive in a situation when you only want to see the negative. You can decide to seek help. If you have an eating disorder, can you change this mentality over night? Of course not. It is a long term challenge that needs a long term solution. You can get counseling, participate in seminars, enroll in a rehab center and follow a self-esteem program.

The new one I thought of just today is how to get out of poor relationships. I think we all go through this phase in life where we seek for approval from the wrong sources. It may manifest itself in the extreme with gang activity, violent crimes, or joining a cult, or seeking the wrong types of relationships and friendships. We seek for approval and love but in all the wrong ways. I think all mistakes made are in search of the purest love. It can be hard to find, and we often feel like it is out of our control, but there are always sources of pure love. We just need to know where to find them. And we need to allow them to be enough for us. Pulling out of abusive relationships is one of the hardest things I have ever known. Abusive doesn't just mean physical abuse but all types. The problem with abusive relationships is that there is an emotional connection that overwhelms the logical reasoning part of our brain and therefore our actions. You love someone that isn't good for you. It is so hard to see which direction to go: love them into reform, thinking that one of you will change for the better or abandon them to their own destruction while you escape to higher ground. I have gone both directions in different situations and I know it is always harder to stick around. Sometimes that is what they need. But I would only encourage this if you are strong enough. Know when to pull out.

Story: In high school, one of my best friends began going down the wrong path. At 16 she was heavily into drugs and in a relationship with her dealer. I tried to stick around, I tried to love her, I tried to help her, but she wouldn't listen to me. I was not strong enough to help her when she didn't want the help. I had to walk away. That was one of the hardest decisions I had to make as a sophomore but I couldn't do anything else. I found out later that she attempted suicide at her mother's suggestion but thankfully, her grandmother rescued her. I worried over her, I stressed over her, I stayed awake at night because of her. Talking to her years later, she told me she was the type of person that just needed to learn things for herself, by experience. I still didn't agree with her but I can't change someone else.

Looking back, would I do anything differently? No. I couldn't at that time in my life. I couldn't. I did not have the capacity then that I have now to deal with those types of things. I could have been so easily dragged down with her at such a fragile stage in my life, so I had to walk away. I had to trust that someone cared about her enough to help her. I still loved her, I still worried over her but I had to keep my distance to protect my weak self. But I learned from it and became a stronger person as I grew at my own pace. We can't save the whole world today. We have to acknowledge our weaknesses and allow those stronger to help us in our challenges. Sometimes the strongest thing we can do is walk away.

We can be dragged into so many difficult situations that are hard to get out of. We have to have the strength to do what is best first for ourselves, and then for others. If we are weakened by whatever addiction it may be, we certainly can't help others out of theirs. I know what it is like to bang your head against the wall wanting to get out and feeling unable to do so. You cannot win when you are fighting yourself. When you are in those situations, ask for help. Just talk to someone about it. Open your heart in humility and allow their impartial judgment and longer range vision to affect you. Chances are they only have your best interest at heart. There is always someone out there that loves you enough to help you.

Check out Mia's music at http://www.myspace.com/wwwmyspacecommiamagistro You can come listen to the entire CD in my classroom if you want. It is amazing!

Select lyrics "Dear Friend": I want you to feel low, When you try to leave, I'll make you insecure ... I want to be the first thing you wake to everyday, and be the last last to tuck you in and watch you go insane ... I'll never let you be ... And when you think you've lost it all, I'll take a little more ... I cannot say enough about your loyalty, and all the friends and family, you've traded all for me...

And a fabulous PSA at http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=2645175367486&set=vb.1198695218&type=2&theater

Interestingly, a post from one of my followers:

http://whereiwander-sierra.blogspot.com/2011/10/no-more.html?showComment=1319998463981#c7933488962498527514

Ting and Ted

A good friend shared this as a post from Richard Himmer. I love Ting and Ted as a way to look at relationships and see how to improve them by creating greater balance. Here are the quick notes from our meeting today:

¨InteresTING

¤Trained by environment – everyone loves to be heard

¤Express an experience or relating without being solicited

¤You are there to prove your own point and feel better about yourself.

¤If there are only Tings, it is not a conversation but a disorganized noise affectionately known as a Ting jam.

Ting: I am an interesting person with many unique life experience to share that will benefit those around me.

¨InteresTED

¤Lifelong Learner to become an Interested Listener

¤Asks questions to Understand, not prove a point

¤Deepens a relationship by omitting judgment or relating

¤Increases trust and respect by caring more about what the other is saying instead of just yourself.

Ted: I’m interested in everything you have to say because you are an amazing person who deserves it, I’m here to be supportive and caring.

Challenge: Have a Ted and a Ting conversation every day this week. Be aware of which role you usually fill and work to expand your ability in the opposite one. The question is usually asked, which one is better. I lean towards the Ted as everyone needs to feel loved by having someone listen to them. However, a healthy, balanced relationship is developed by both parties filling both roles. Honesty and confident disclosure to another by Ting-ing build trust. Listening carefully helps develop genuine love and concern for another. Both must work in tandem to be fully effective. Work to make your relationships more well-rounded.

Some deeper questions to ask in getting to know people

•How do you feel when you are at home?

•When you have nothing to do, what do/would you spend your time thinking about?

•What is your most defining attribute? Makes you you

•How do you want to make an impact on the world?

•What has been your most challenging problem and how did/will you solve it?

•Who is the person you love the most and why?

•How do you feel like you have grown this year? What have you learned?

•Describe a defining moment in your life? How did it change you?

•If there is one thing you could give to someone you love, what would it be?

•Who is someone you most admire and why?

•What is your greatest achievement or accomplishment in life? Most proud of?

•Where/who do you want to be in 10 years?

Happiness IS an option

From an amazing student who has so much to offer...

the way she feels: take these broken wings, and learn to fly.: today i was reading a news feed on a social networking site, just gliding my finger aimlessly through meaningless comments and stupid status...

Rise and Fight again!

I'm sorry for not writing in a while... summer has flown by. Good, but quick. With the time drawing to a close, I have found myself under incomprehensible stress. Deadlines and pressures piled up brick after heavy brick. How much can you hold? Where is the breaking point? What happens when much becomes too much? When do we curse that abominable straw upon your back!

Perhaps under stress is when we see our true character. After all the walls are crushed under an external weigh, we begin to understand who we really are. What do you do you are overwhelmed? Do you sit around and mope or get out and do something? Is that the best thing we can do? Can we do anything else?

A student poked at a hole in my wall saying, "This isn't the Ms. Ure I know! You are independent! You are strong!" As hard as we may all try, there isn't a perfect battlement. I'm reminded of a poem my mom had posted in her quote cupboard. It is a revision of a famous Scottish poem/proverb attributed to many and yet none:

I am wounded, Sir Andrew cried,

Wounded but not yet slain,

I'll lie down and bleed a while,

Before I rise and fight again!

It is a cruel misconception that says we can't lie down and bleed a while. In our culture, perfection is demand by everyone around us with our worst critic in ourselves. We set ourselves up for failure time and time again. I'm all for the 'get over it and get to work' attitude but I'm starting to think finding the balance is more crucial. Dealing with stress doesn't mean ignoring it and piling more on our plate as we so often do (its a girl thing, according to Dr. John Gray). Perhaps the stronger person is the one that knows when to lie down a while before we try to fight our battles again. If we go too hard too fast, we crash and burn.

There comes a time and a place where we must actually deal with the issues, or rise and fight again! What do you girls do to decompress and then tackle the challenges? Any tips? Cry it out, sleep it off, and find clarity in the morning? Who do you turn to? Can we lie down too long? Do you find shelter under another rock? What works and what doesn't?

Its ok if we need to lie down a while and take care of our battle wounds - as long as we rise and fight again!

PS - I am so Scottish!

If you are feeling magical, I need: 15 pages of thesis, 30 pages of reading and accompanying assignment, a house/apartment with 2 bedrooms, a bed, tables, chairs, couch, dresser,w/d, vacuum, truck to move it all, new back complete without aches and pains - or just another ice pack, oh yah, a new wallet with credit cards, ids, cash, and recommend, write new curriculum, clean the fish tank, decorate a classroom, pack a room into a small car (or said truck), restraint from killing current roommates, patience to wait for new roommate, tires rotated...is that all?

"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness. Take pride that even though the rest of the world may disagree, you still believe it to be a beautiful place."

Do SOMETHING!

While talking to a few students... I came up with a few ideas to kill the summer boredom that has already begun to seep in what should be a joyous time! Here are a few of mine - please add your own!

Make your own list for the summer and check them off as you go!

1. play four square

2. go for a long walk in a shaded park or to a friend’s house

3. GO on A HIKE!

4. make a new recipe

5. play with a dog,

6. build something out of legos

7. garden

8. learn a new skill from your expert mother like making plum jelly (which is my fav:)

9. sew a blanket

10. design a craft project

11. paint your shoes

12. Create holiday decorations

13. learn to weave a basket - which I have done and it is super fun

14. run through the sprinklers

15. put a sprinkler under or over a tramp and slide!

16. create a slip and slid out of a tarp and a fun hill

17. build something out of wood

18. Learn to stencil – it is such a cool, lost art!

19. Learn a new language – even if it is just “hi!” and “I love you!”

20. make your own concrete - also fun

21. create a small village in the forest or yard for the small people you know exist but have never actually seen

22. complete with a castle and dam make out of aforementioned concrete

23. make your own paper - super cool out of old newspaper

24. Watch a cultural movie – Bollywood counts too J

25. Watch your mom’s favorite old movie – find some black and whites

26. Start your own recipe box and steal all those amazing recipes from your mom now! It saves a lot of time on the phone in college.

27. Make a watering jug out of an old milk carton for you box garden

28. plant your favorite vegetables and then find some sweet new recipes

29. Paper Mache… ‘nuff said!

30. Masks!

31. Learn how to sew from the crazy lady down the street

32. Movie marathon complete with themed food an art project and accents

33. make a collection of awesome quotes you like complete with art

34. make smoothies or popsicles!

35. put together a new collage

36. Make me, or yourself, a cool new lampshade

37. frame pictures

38. Start writing the book you’ve always wanted to

39. Shadow some working people to get an idea of what you want to do in college

40. design your future house

41. Read a good book you have always wanted to

42. Make your own stationary… don’t all mom’s have their supply of stamps and colored paper?

43. plan a theme party with some friends and be super creative... themed around ... waffles or lumberjacks...

44. draw something powerful and meaningful for someone you love

45. Make a bird house out of a juice carton

46. BONFIRE! With s’mores or apple crisp

47. read up on current events and compare different news stations’ stories

48. Bike ride!

49. dye egg shells and make a collage out of the pretty colors

50. ooh! cement - add different shapes and colors of rocks to make a cool story! Mosaics!

51. Trimming trees – I think I should have been an arborist in another life…

52. sidewalk chalk!

53. Mud scultures – get messy!

54. everything is better with sidewalk chalk - go tagging secretly to your friends houses and leave awesome messages!

55. build an irrigation system using... PHYSICS!

56. Use the EDP to solve the world's problems - or just your own

57. make new wall art by putting together quotes and pictures to help you fulfill one of your summer goals - see today's blog post (10-week Growth Spurt)

58. Make your own jewelry – BEADS!

59. Make your own playdough

60. Throw a fiesta complete with your own paper mache piñata, homemade guacamole, tacos, and watch the three amigos!

61. Learn to make homemade candy including caramels and taffy and then call me!

62. Spy on the raccoon that visits your yard periodically (I <3 Ally Melendez!)

63. Do yoga

64. Train a new pet or teach an old dog new tricks – it can be done. And they will love you

65. Make and send postcards

66. MAKE A FORT!!!!!!!!

67. Learn first aid and CPR – it can always come in handy

68. Write a song

69. Create a dance video/choreograph a song with your friends

70. Learn origami

71. Play with your old barbies or action figures

72. Feed the ducks in the park

73. Write your autobiography up ‘til now... then add to it

74. Create a new music mix for a special occasion – party, summer driving, get out of a funk, etc.

75. Learn about aromatherapy or reflexology – try mixing scents

76. Plan a surprise birthday party for your little sister – she would love it!

77. Iron chef competition

78. Meal under 5 dollars – good double date or group activity. Each team gets 5 dollars to buy ingredients for a meal – go home and cook!

79. Night games – ghost in the graveyard, capture the flag etc.

80. Games in the park – red rover, kick the can, hopscotch etc.

Service projects:

81. Clean up the neighborhood park

82. Knit baby caps

83. Bake cookies for a friend who needs some love…

84. Babysit for some cute kids whose Mom needs a break

85. Color books for humanitarian aid (ask me if you want some:)

86. Tie quilts

87. Volunteer at the library to read to children

88. Visit an old folks home

89. Paint an old lady’s nails

90. Talk to an old person about life 50 years ago

91. Play cards with the widow next door (memories…)

92. Volunteer at the soup kitchen

93. Help with an eagle scout’s project

94. Clean your house – your mom will love you!

95. Make dinner

96. Volunteer/mentor (www.unitedwayuc.org)

97. Bake or Yard sale

98. Make those string bracelets for someone who would love it!

99. Wash the cars - bc its utah and it always needs to be done

100. Make a stuffed animal or doll out of scrap fabric with button eyes and give/donate it to someone – I made one for my baby brother and he carried it around for years