Mia Magistro is one of my favorite musicians. If you haven't heard her work, I would encourage you to listen to it. Magistro wrote the CD Project Heal partially while in an eating disorder rehab center and then employed her powerful music to teach in a correctional facility. I was reminded of her work when a student posted her PSA (public service announcement) about eating disorders and had this music in the background. As I have listened to it again for the hundredth time, I realize just how many situations her music can apply to.
The new one I thought of just today is how to get out of poor relationships. I think we all go through this phase in life where we seek for approval from the wrong sources. It may manifest itself in the extreme with gang activity, violent crimes, or joining a cult, or seeking the wrong types of relationships and friendships. We seek for approval and love but in all the wrong ways. I think all mistakes made are in search of the purest love. It can be hard to find, and we often feel like it is out of our control, but there are always sources of pure love. We just need to know where to find them. And we need to allow them to be enough for us. Pulling out of abusive relationships is one of the hardest things I have ever known. Abusive doesn't just mean physical abuse but all types. The problem with abusive relationships is that there is an emotional connection that overwhelms the logical reasoning part of our brain and therefore our actions. You love someone that isn't good for you. It is so hard to see which direction to go: love them into reform, thinking that one of you will change for the better or abandon them to their own destruction while you escape to higher ground. I have gone both directions in different situations and I know it is always harder to stick around. Sometimes that is what they need. But I would only encourage this if you are strong enough. Know when to pull out.
Story: In high school, one of my best friends began going down the wrong path. At 16 she was heavily into drugs and in a relationship with her dealer. I tried to stick around, I tried to love her, I tried to help her, but she wouldn't listen to me. I was not strong enough to help her when she didn't want the help. I had to walk away. That was one of the hardest decisions I had to make as a sophomore but I couldn't do anything else. I found out later that she attempted suicide at her mother's suggestion but thankfully, her grandmother rescued her. I worried over her, I stressed over her, I stayed awake at night because of her. Talking to her years later, she told me she was the type of person that just needed to learn things for herself, by experience. I still didn't agree with her but I can't change someone else.
Looking back, would I do anything differently? No. I couldn't at that time in my life. I couldn't. I did not have the capacity then that I have now to deal with those types of things. I could have been so easily dragged down with her at such a fragile stage in my life, so I had to walk away. I had to trust that someone cared about her enough to help her. I still loved her, I still worried over her but I had to keep my distance to protect my weak self. But I learned from it and became a stronger person as I grew at my own pace. We can't save the whole world today. We have to acknowledge our weaknesses and allow those stronger to help us in our challenges. Sometimes the strongest thing we can do is walk away.
We can be dragged into so many difficult situations that are hard to get out of. We have to have the strength to do what is best first for ourselves, and then for others. If we are weakened by whatever addiction it may be, we certainly can't help others out of theirs. I know what it is like to bang your head against the wall wanting to get out and feeling unable to do so. You cannot win when you are fighting yourself. When you are in those situations, ask for help. Just talk to someone about it. Open your heart in humility and allow their impartial judgment and longer range vision to affect you. Chances are they only have your best interest at heart. There is always someone out there that loves you enough to help you.
Check out Mia's music at http://www.myspace.com/wwwmyspacecommiamagistro You can come listen to the entire CD in my classroom if you want. It is amazing!
Select lyrics "Dear Friend": I want you to feel low, When you try to leave, I'll make you insecure ... I want to be the first thing you wake to everyday, and be the last last to tuck you in and watch you go insane ... I'll never let you be ... And when you think you've lost it all, I'll take a little more ... I cannot say enough about your loyalty, and all the friends and family, you've traded all for me...
And a fabulous PSA at http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=2645175367486&set=vb.1198695218&type=2&theater
Interestingly, a post from one of my followers:
Miss Ure,
ReplyDeleteThis post was seriously an answer to my prayers. I needed this. Thank you for your example and for always knowing exactly what to say. Just the smallest part of this was what I had to hear. I can't thank you enough for sharing this. And a big thank you to your follower's words as well. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Heather,
ReplyDeleteI think anyone could get something out of this- it's so great. The sentence that struck me was, "I had to trust that someone cared about her enough to help her." Sometimes it's hard to trust that someone else can help those you love out of difficult situations better than you can yourself. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Love you!
Jaybelle