Ting and Ted

A good friend shared this as a post from Richard Himmer. I love Ting and Ted as a way to look at relationships and see how to improve them by creating greater balance. Here are the quick notes from our meeting today:

¨InteresTING

¤Trained by environment – everyone loves to be heard

¤Express an experience or relating without being solicited

¤You are there to prove your own point and feel better about yourself.

¤If there are only Tings, it is not a conversation but a disorganized noise affectionately known as a Ting jam.

Ting: I am an interesting person with many unique life experience to share that will benefit those around me.

¨InteresTED

¤Lifelong Learner to become an Interested Listener

¤Asks questions to Understand, not prove a point

¤Deepens a relationship by omitting judgment or relating

¤Increases trust and respect by caring more about what the other is saying instead of just yourself.

Ted: I’m interested in everything you have to say because you are an amazing person who deserves it, I’m here to be supportive and caring.

Challenge: Have a Ted and a Ting conversation every day this week. Be aware of which role you usually fill and work to expand your ability in the opposite one. The question is usually asked, which one is better. I lean towards the Ted as everyone needs to feel loved by having someone listen to them. However, a healthy, balanced relationship is developed by both parties filling both roles. Honesty and confident disclosure to another by Ting-ing build trust. Listening carefully helps develop genuine love and concern for another. Both must work in tandem to be fully effective. Work to make your relationships more well-rounded.

Some deeper questions to ask in getting to know people

•How do you feel when you are at home?

•When you have nothing to do, what do/would you spend your time thinking about?

•What is your most defining attribute? Makes you you

•How do you want to make an impact on the world?

•What has been your most challenging problem and how did/will you solve it?

•Who is the person you love the most and why?

•How do you feel like you have grown this year? What have you learned?

•Describe a defining moment in your life? How did it change you?

•If there is one thing you could give to someone you love, what would it be?

•Who is someone you most admire and why?

•What is your greatest achievement or accomplishment in life? Most proud of?

•Where/who do you want to be in 10 years?