Deal with it

Life can be so stressful. We face a wide variety of events and challenges every day. Each one is new to us and poses itself as a life-altering event. But is it?

I look back now and see that it was the little decisions everyday that made me who I am today. All the trials and challenges that I thought would bring the world crashing down around me did bring the world to an end but have shaped me. It isn’t the events that matter the most, but what we do with them – our attitude and our reactions.

Do we stress and stress and stress about things but never actually get things done? Do we pretend these challenges don’t exist? Or do we face them head on and plow throw to the best of our ability? One of my mottos is to “Grin and Bear it” What else can we do? Dwelling on things only gets you so far. If you think it through and come up with the best possible reaction to a situation, commit to that decision, and do it, then you are done dealing with it. You can’t do any more. We can worry and stress for days but where does that leave us? Worried and stressed!

Just this weekend I was left with a huge project that I was suppose to have 3-4 people helping me with. No one is here to help me. Under the time restraints and feeling a lack of support, I got frustrated. Stepping back I realized that I can do this. I got to work and within a few minutes had a timeline of doable activities that won’t be too stressful. I would still love some help but since that isn't something I can control, I had to move on and ‘git ‘er done’ to the best of my ability with the time and means I have available. Reflecting on this experience, I wrote a few guidelines to help you face a challenge.

1. Step back. Look at the situation from the outside and really see the problem. Take a deep breath and don’t let the moment get to you. Writing out the details of the situation can be effective in getting to the root of the problem.
2. Understand the problem. Ask questions and understand the situation. What is really going on here? Who is the problem? Am I fueling the fire? (my answer is usually yes) How is the culture and experiences of those involved different or impacting the situation? How does the other person feel? Did they do it on purpose or do they think they are doing the best?
3. Analyze emotions. Why am I upset, really? Am I really upset because of the current situation or is something else going on? Should I be upset? Are emotions dictating my reactions? Is that best? Are my feelings just? How should I communicate them effectively?
4. Realistic control. What can I control? What is out of my control is … out of my control. So stop worrying about it. Focus on what you can change and how you can impact the situation. (ex: you can’t stop your parents from getting a divorce, but you can lessen the impact on your younger sister by being there to help her in this difficult time. It will help you feel needed and loved while helping her at the same time.)
5. Open communication. This doesn’t mean you just spew your thoughts and feelings to the other person. Use communication to get to the bottom of the problem. Eliminate communication that causes excess stress and frustration. Think through your questions before hand and make sure they have a distinct purpose to help both of you, not just prove your right. This is a good time to test your ideas and measure the other person’s reactions to judge your conclusions. Re-evaluate your ideas and make sure they are accurate.
6. Do your best. Do all you can do in the best way possible. And that is it. You can’t do more. Realize your limits, whether you are limited by your time or financial means or maturity to handle situations, etc. You can only do what you can do – and that’s ok. No one expects more of you.
7. Don’t worry. If there is nothing more you can do, then be done with it. Be satisfied with your input and don’t worry about the rest. Don’t let your feelings roll around and round inside your mind. Going through this process should give you some confidence in your decision. So be doen with it.

My guess is that this is incomplete. What else helps?

Love.