Purpose in Life

Sometimes I wonder about the purpose of life. I think our culture has a way of putting a blanket over it all with the simple heaven/hell type answer but really, why am I here right now in this place? What am I suppose to be doing? Learning? Seeing? Understanding? How am I suppose to be changing and growing, adapting and influencing?

In my viewpoint, I think there are two overarching principles to the purpose of life. The first, is to become the person we have the capacity to become. Am I the person today that I want to be when I die? Am I the person today that I know I can be? Am I the person I am suppose to be? Growing in this area involves changing our behavior and characteristics by increasing our knowledge, wisdom, attitude, and self-awareness. It is about living our principles. That is true integrity: when we are the person we preach to be.

The second part of our purpose in life is use the person we are to help others attain their potential. We have a great power to impact people. Not necessarily to drastically change their lives but by the gentle influences we have as role models, examples, family, and friends, to guide and assist them. It is those people in our lives that make the internal change not necessarily possible but flowing more smoothly, in a surer path. We, each one carve a path in life, but, if we have another groove to follow, it is much easier. By using others' their life experiences to model our personal attributes after, we can grow and develop at a faster rate, thus perpetuating the cycle of development.

With this perspective, we all need to ask ourselves, what do I need to work on? At some points it will be time for an emphasis on personal growth, at other times, we need to focus on our impact on others. We can't get comfortable or cocky in just one way - we must switch back and forth, growing in each way. Thoughts...?

Sometimes it rains, sometimes it pours, but the Sun is Always Shining!

When I heard the thunder today my heart jumped! I grew up loving thunderstorms because in the midwest, storms are so animated and intense. There, the lightening lights up the entire ominous black sky with purple flashes as it pours buckets from the sky flooding the streets in minutes. I had great expectations when I hopped in my car to get a better view of this developing storm. Although I was disappointed with the complete lack of fireworks, I did learn something very interesting.

In Chicago, the landscape is completely flat. When storms roll in, it completely blackens the sky with a sheet of violent, tumultuous rainclouds. Here, there is a wide variety in the landscape that allows the clouds to develop with a ton of variation. This pocket of air rises over this hill and another gets swept into the canyon creating a collage of cloud densities and shades. Although it was pouring on my car, I was looking into the sunlight. I realized that even when it is raining, the Sun is still shining. When it is pouring on our lives, the Sun is shines brightly above us. When it has been overcast for weeks and we just can't seem to get out of the dim light and into full daylight, the Sun is still shining - working it's hardest to break through the clouds. The clouds can't last forever. We just can't see the Sun at the moment because of our perspective and our position. We can all have the faith that at some point, the Sun will break through the clouds, dispelling darkness and drying up the dismal tears of our lives. Eventually we will find ourselves in the warm, comforting sunlight again. What we do with the rain is our choice.

Where I watched the storm there were many birds. Most of them settled into the grass or bushes in groups to wait out the storm. A few others decided that they would procrastinate seeking cover and continued in the open. When it really started pelting rain, those birds aggressively darted from place to place looking for a dry spot but they were wet and the ground was wet. They wore themselves out looking for something better. If only they had waited out the storm in quiet peace instead of scurrying about in a frenzy.

I have watched many thunderstorms, but today was the first time I thought about the Sun that was still shining above the storm. It adds a new perspective about the storms in our own lives. Sometimes it rains, sometimes it pours, sometimes it's overcast or a hurricane or a tornado or hailing - but the Sun is still shining. Eventually we will step out of the darkness and into the light that has been shining all along.

Deal with it

Life can be so stressful. We face a wide variety of events and challenges every day. Each one is new to us and poses itself as a life-altering event. But is it?

I look back now and see that it was the little decisions everyday that made me who I am today. All the trials and challenges that I thought would bring the world crashing down around me did bring the world to an end but have shaped me. It isn’t the events that matter the most, but what we do with them – our attitude and our reactions.

Do we stress and stress and stress about things but never actually get things done? Do we pretend these challenges don’t exist? Or do we face them head on and plow throw to the best of our ability? One of my mottos is to “Grin and Bear it” What else can we do? Dwelling on things only gets you so far. If you think it through and come up with the best possible reaction to a situation, commit to that decision, and do it, then you are done dealing with it. You can’t do any more. We can worry and stress for days but where does that leave us? Worried and stressed!

Just this weekend I was left with a huge project that I was suppose to have 3-4 people helping me with. No one is here to help me. Under the time restraints and feeling a lack of support, I got frustrated. Stepping back I realized that I can do this. I got to work and within a few minutes had a timeline of doable activities that won’t be too stressful. I would still love some help but since that isn't something I can control, I had to move on and ‘git ‘er done’ to the best of my ability with the time and means I have available. Reflecting on this experience, I wrote a few guidelines to help you face a challenge.

1. Step back. Look at the situation from the outside and really see the problem. Take a deep breath and don’t let the moment get to you. Writing out the details of the situation can be effective in getting to the root of the problem.
2. Understand the problem. Ask questions and understand the situation. What is really going on here? Who is the problem? Am I fueling the fire? (my answer is usually yes) How is the culture and experiences of those involved different or impacting the situation? How does the other person feel? Did they do it on purpose or do they think they are doing the best?
3. Analyze emotions. Why am I upset, really? Am I really upset because of the current situation or is something else going on? Should I be upset? Are emotions dictating my reactions? Is that best? Are my feelings just? How should I communicate them effectively?
4. Realistic control. What can I control? What is out of my control is … out of my control. So stop worrying about it. Focus on what you can change and how you can impact the situation. (ex: you can’t stop your parents from getting a divorce, but you can lessen the impact on your younger sister by being there to help her in this difficult time. It will help you feel needed and loved while helping her at the same time.)
5. Open communication. This doesn’t mean you just spew your thoughts and feelings to the other person. Use communication to get to the bottom of the problem. Eliminate communication that causes excess stress and frustration. Think through your questions before hand and make sure they have a distinct purpose to help both of you, not just prove your right. This is a good time to test your ideas and measure the other person’s reactions to judge your conclusions. Re-evaluate your ideas and make sure they are accurate.
6. Do your best. Do all you can do in the best way possible. And that is it. You can’t do more. Realize your limits, whether you are limited by your time or financial means or maturity to handle situations, etc. You can only do what you can do – and that’s ok. No one expects more of you.
7. Don’t worry. If there is nothing more you can do, then be done with it. Be satisfied with your input and don’t worry about the rest. Don’t let your feelings roll around and round inside your mind. Going through this process should give you some confidence in your decision. So be doen with it.

My guess is that this is incomplete. What else helps?

Love.