One Man

            Following a challenging and emotionally draining week, the sunshine beckoned me to find peace and solitude in the quiet of the outdoors.  I decided to venture out to a park near my new apartment.  I pulled up to peaceful, well manicured lawns, surrounded by busy neighborhoods.  The moment I stepped foot on the beautiful grounds, I could feel it was hallowed ground.  I breathed deeply and felt the stress and strain of the days melt away.  The park, I discovered, was created by a Danish immigrant in 1880.  He had made it a priority in his life to create something beautiful: Nielsen's Grove.  The park had been flooded, used for agricultural purposes, and then recently bought by the city to be returned to its previous beauty.  As I quietly sauntered through the grounds, I found dozens of picnic benches, wooden arbors, and natural spring fountains among the wandering paths.  An old lady, her daughter, and granddaughter jumped out of the car and walked towards the playground.  Other solitary souls stride through the grounds, relaxing after a tiring day.  Young couples walking dogs passed by chatting happily to each other.  A tricycle passes by followed by a young dad briskly walking after his daughter.  A couple on roller blades chase after their son speeding away in a battery-powered car. Through the quiet hum, I hear the laughter of children on the nearby playground.  Ducks quack after a handful of breadcrumbs from their visitors. A group of teenage girls begin to swing, remembering simpler days as they relive their innocent youth.  The small pond covered in its icy shield shines brightly in the setting sun.  Here stands a park full of gentle peace: full of reminders that the world is not all bad. I'm almost moved to tears: there is so much good in these few small acres. All because of one man.  One man who wanted to bring beauty into the world.  One man who set aside part of his livelihood to bless the lives of others.  One man caring about this land turned into hundreds of people caring, an entire town caring, working to restore this peaceful refuge.  And entire community enjoying the serenity of nature.  And one man started it all.

            If one man can all do this, 

                                 what can I do?  

Dear You

Dear You,
       You deserve so much more than this world has to offer.  Today can be so bitter and fowl but you are better than this.  Despite all the challenges, you deserve to be happy,  to rejoice in the person you ARE and have the potential to be.  You have no idea how special you are.  Wake up, sweetheart.  Wake up to the beauty of your potential.  Someday, the unmerited pain will stop.  Until then, seek for the light, the peace of being happy inside, regardless of the ugly, encroaching world.  You are a child of light, a beacon to the world.  Grow through your challenges, become your true self.  Don't give in to the childish chides of the disappointing world, reach for higher ground.  Reach to become a  helpful soul, allowing others to reach and grow and learn.  You are valuable, irreplaceable.  No one can fill your shoes. You are needed.  You are anything but ordinary.  Don't seek to become just like everyone else, because you aren't.  And that is what makes you so ...YOU!  Don't put up with disrespect from anyone, especially yourself.  You are better than that.  You are a human being with thoughts and feelings and ideas so unique to you.  So beautiful.   You are so strong, so much stronger than others see you for.  But those weaker than you are attracted to your strength, your charisma, your aptitude for progression. They can't help it.  Your SOUL is beautiful.  Full of joy and hope and purpose.  Of lessons learned.  It is full of experience.  The good and the bad.  With so many difficult challenges before you, you can't expect to be perfect today.  Let others in, let them help you, lift you, so you can build each other.  You deserve friendship, love, compassion, all those things you offer to others.  You are worthy of.  Because you are you.  Don't believe the lies of others jealous of you.  You are worth more than the world can offer. I love you.  Don't forget it.
 Love, Me.

Purpose in Life

Sometimes I wonder about the purpose of life. I think our culture has a way of putting a blanket over it all with the simple heaven/hell type answer but really, why am I here right now in this place? What am I suppose to be doing? Learning? Seeing? Understanding? How am I suppose to be changing and growing, adapting and influencing?

In my viewpoint, I think there are two overarching principles to the purpose of life. The first, is to become the person we have the capacity to become. Am I the person today that I want to be when I die? Am I the person today that I know I can be? Am I the person I am suppose to be? Growing in this area involves changing our behavior and characteristics by increasing our knowledge, wisdom, attitude, and self-awareness. It is about living our principles. That is true integrity: when we are the person we preach to be.

The second part of our purpose in life is use the person we are to help others attain their potential. We have a great power to impact people. Not necessarily to drastically change their lives but by the gentle influences we have as role models, examples, family, and friends, to guide and assist them. It is those people in our lives that make the internal change not necessarily possible but flowing more smoothly, in a surer path. We, each one carve a path in life, but, if we have another groove to follow, it is much easier. By using others' their life experiences to model our personal attributes after, we can grow and develop at a faster rate, thus perpetuating the cycle of development.

With this perspective, we all need to ask ourselves, what do I need to work on? At some points it will be time for an emphasis on personal growth, at other times, we need to focus on our impact on others. We can't get comfortable or cocky in just one way - we must switch back and forth, growing in each way. Thoughts...?

Hard Choices: Mia Magistro

Mia Magistro is one of my favorite musicians. If you haven't heard her work, I would encourage you to listen to it. Magistro wrote the CD Project Heal partially while in an eating disorder rehab center and then employed her powerful music to teach in a correctional facility. I was reminded of her work when a student posted her PSA (public service announcement) about eating disorders and had this music in the background. As I have listened to it again for the hundredth time, I realize just how many situations her music can apply to.

Talking with a student has caused me to reflect on the challenges of making hard choices. We all have the ability to choose: to choose our friends, how we spend our time, and ultimately, who we are everyday. There are certain situations that limit our abilities to choose. Mental disorders, past experiences and emotional connects all affect our abilities but don't ultimately control us. For example, if you have depression, you can't just decide to one day be better, but you can decide to talk to someone, possibly receive counseling and medication. You can decide to see the positive in a situation when you only want to see the negative. You can decide to seek help. If you have an eating disorder, can you change this mentality over night? Of course not. It is a long term challenge that needs a long term solution. You can get counseling, participate in seminars, enroll in a rehab center and follow a self-esteem program.

The new one I thought of just today is how to get out of poor relationships. I think we all go through this phase in life where we seek for approval from the wrong sources. It may manifest itself in the extreme with gang activity, violent crimes, or joining a cult, or seeking the wrong types of relationships and friendships. We seek for approval and love but in all the wrong ways. I think all mistakes made are in search of the purest love. It can be hard to find, and we often feel like it is out of our control, but there are always sources of pure love. We just need to know where to find them. And we need to allow them to be enough for us. Pulling out of abusive relationships is one of the hardest things I have ever known. Abusive doesn't just mean physical abuse but all types. The problem with abusive relationships is that there is an emotional connection that overwhelms the logical reasoning part of our brain and therefore our actions. You love someone that isn't good for you. It is so hard to see which direction to go: love them into reform, thinking that one of you will change for the better or abandon them to their own destruction while you escape to higher ground. I have gone both directions in different situations and I know it is always harder to stick around. Sometimes that is what they need. But I would only encourage this if you are strong enough. Know when to pull out.

Story: In high school, one of my best friends began going down the wrong path. At 16 she was heavily into drugs and in a relationship with her dealer. I tried to stick around, I tried to love her, I tried to help her, but she wouldn't listen to me. I was not strong enough to help her when she didn't want the help. I had to walk away. That was one of the hardest decisions I had to make as a sophomore but I couldn't do anything else. I found out later that she attempted suicide at her mother's suggestion but thankfully, her grandmother rescued her. I worried over her, I stressed over her, I stayed awake at night because of her. Talking to her years later, she told me she was the type of person that just needed to learn things for herself, by experience. I still didn't agree with her but I can't change someone else.

Looking back, would I do anything differently? No. I couldn't at that time in my life. I couldn't. I did not have the capacity then that I have now to deal with those types of things. I could have been so easily dragged down with her at such a fragile stage in my life, so I had to walk away. I had to trust that someone cared about her enough to help her. I still loved her, I still worried over her but I had to keep my distance to protect my weak self. But I learned from it and became a stronger person as I grew at my own pace. We can't save the whole world today. We have to acknowledge our weaknesses and allow those stronger to help us in our challenges. Sometimes the strongest thing we can do is walk away.

We can be dragged into so many difficult situations that are hard to get out of. We have to have the strength to do what is best first for ourselves, and then for others. If we are weakened by whatever addiction it may be, we certainly can't help others out of theirs. I know what it is like to bang your head against the wall wanting to get out and feeling unable to do so. You cannot win when you are fighting yourself. When you are in those situations, ask for help. Just talk to someone about it. Open your heart in humility and allow their impartial judgment and longer range vision to affect you. Chances are they only have your best interest at heart. There is always someone out there that loves you enough to help you.

Check out Mia's music at http://www.myspace.com/wwwmyspacecommiamagistro You can come listen to the entire CD in my classroom if you want. It is amazing!

Select lyrics "Dear Friend": I want you to feel low, When you try to leave, I'll make you insecure ... I want to be the first thing you wake to everyday, and be the last last to tuck you in and watch you go insane ... I'll never let you be ... And when you think you've lost it all, I'll take a little more ... I cannot say enough about your loyalty, and all the friends and family, you've traded all for me...

And a fabulous PSA at http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=2645175367486&set=vb.1198695218&type=2&theater

Interestingly, a post from one of my followers:

http://whereiwander-sierra.blogspot.com/2011/10/no-more.html?showComment=1319998463981#c7933488962498527514

Ting and Ted

A good friend shared this as a post from Richard Himmer. I love Ting and Ted as a way to look at relationships and see how to improve them by creating greater balance. Here are the quick notes from our meeting today:

¨InteresTING

¤Trained by environment – everyone loves to be heard

¤Express an experience or relating without being solicited

¤You are there to prove your own point and feel better about yourself.

¤If there are only Tings, it is not a conversation but a disorganized noise affectionately known as a Ting jam.

Ting: I am an interesting person with many unique life experience to share that will benefit those around me.

¨InteresTED

¤Lifelong Learner to become an Interested Listener

¤Asks questions to Understand, not prove a point

¤Deepens a relationship by omitting judgment or relating

¤Increases trust and respect by caring more about what the other is saying instead of just yourself.

Ted: I’m interested in everything you have to say because you are an amazing person who deserves it, I’m here to be supportive and caring.

Challenge: Have a Ted and a Ting conversation every day this week. Be aware of which role you usually fill and work to expand your ability in the opposite one. The question is usually asked, which one is better. I lean towards the Ted as everyone needs to feel loved by having someone listen to them. However, a healthy, balanced relationship is developed by both parties filling both roles. Honesty and confident disclosure to another by Ting-ing build trust. Listening carefully helps develop genuine love and concern for another. Both must work in tandem to be fully effective. Work to make your relationships more well-rounded.

Some deeper questions to ask in getting to know people

•How do you feel when you are at home?

•When you have nothing to do, what do/would you spend your time thinking about?

•What is your most defining attribute? Makes you you

•How do you want to make an impact on the world?

•What has been your most challenging problem and how did/will you solve it?

•Who is the person you love the most and why?

•How do you feel like you have grown this year? What have you learned?

•Describe a defining moment in your life? How did it change you?

•If there is one thing you could give to someone you love, what would it be?

•Who is someone you most admire and why?

•What is your greatest achievement or accomplishment in life? Most proud of?

•Where/who do you want to be in 10 years?

Happiness IS an option

From an amazing student who has so much to offer...

the way she feels: take these broken wings, and learn to fly.: today i was reading a news feed on a social networking site, just gliding my finger aimlessly through meaningless comments and stupid status...

Rise and Fight again!

I'm sorry for not writing in a while... summer has flown by. Good, but quick. With the time drawing to a close, I have found myself under incomprehensible stress. Deadlines and pressures piled up brick after heavy brick. How much can you hold? Where is the breaking point? What happens when much becomes too much? When do we curse that abominable straw upon your back!

Perhaps under stress is when we see our true character. After all the walls are crushed under an external weigh, we begin to understand who we really are. What do you do you are overwhelmed? Do you sit around and mope or get out and do something? Is that the best thing we can do? Can we do anything else?

A student poked at a hole in my wall saying, "This isn't the Ms. Ure I know! You are independent! You are strong!" As hard as we may all try, there isn't a perfect battlement. I'm reminded of a poem my mom had posted in her quote cupboard. It is a revision of a famous Scottish poem/proverb attributed to many and yet none:

I am wounded, Sir Andrew cried,

Wounded but not yet slain,

I'll lie down and bleed a while,

Before I rise and fight again!

It is a cruel misconception that says we can't lie down and bleed a while. In our culture, perfection is demand by everyone around us with our worst critic in ourselves. We set ourselves up for failure time and time again. I'm all for the 'get over it and get to work' attitude but I'm starting to think finding the balance is more crucial. Dealing with stress doesn't mean ignoring it and piling more on our plate as we so often do (its a girl thing, according to Dr. John Gray). Perhaps the stronger person is the one that knows when to lie down a while before we try to fight our battles again. If we go too hard too fast, we crash and burn.

There comes a time and a place where we must actually deal with the issues, or rise and fight again! What do you girls do to decompress and then tackle the challenges? Any tips? Cry it out, sleep it off, and find clarity in the morning? Who do you turn to? Can we lie down too long? Do you find shelter under another rock? What works and what doesn't?

Its ok if we need to lie down a while and take care of our battle wounds - as long as we rise and fight again!

PS - I am so Scottish!

If you are feeling magical, I need: 15 pages of thesis, 30 pages of reading and accompanying assignment, a house/apartment with 2 bedrooms, a bed, tables, chairs, couch, dresser,w/d, vacuum, truck to move it all, new back complete without aches and pains - or just another ice pack, oh yah, a new wallet with credit cards, ids, cash, and recommend, write new curriculum, clean the fish tank, decorate a classroom, pack a room into a small car (or said truck), restraint from killing current roommates, patience to wait for new roommate, tires rotated...is that all?